God and Free Love

Well it seems I’ve been wrong all along. I thought God had a problem with sex, particularly of the more kinky variety. Seems like people weren’t reading the bible properly.

*** Caution ***

The following contains words and links to material that some may find offensive. It is Not Safe For Work (NSFW)

*** Caution ***

Thanks to Possummomma, I now present the following web site:

Sex in Christ

Sexuality According to the Word of God

subtitled: Anal Sex in Accordance with God’s Will

… God … has given us an alternative to intercourse before marriage: anal sex. Through anal sex, you can satisfy your body’s needs, while you avoid the risk of unwanted pregnancy and still keep yourself pure for marriage.

There are plenty more words of wisdom on the opening page of the site, about anal sex and why it’s OK with God.  I could explain more and critique it, but I’ll leave possummomma to that.

There are a few more articles on the site, covering all sorts of sexual activities, as follows:

  • Oral Sex and God’s Will
  • Viagra and God’s Will
  • Threesomes Within a Christian Marriage
  • Masturbation – God’s Great Gift to Us
  • A Proposal for a Christian Pornography
  • Bondage in Christ – BDSM in a Christian Marriage
  • Fisting and God’s Will
  • Bare before God – Shaving and the Bible

Whoever put this site together has a very wicked sense of the bizarre. Who would have interpreted Ephesians 5:22, Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. As meaning its OK with the ‘big fella’ if you get into a bit of BDSM?

All those shaved pussies in porno films (not that I’d know or anything), seems like God wants them to look like that. It all depends on how you interpret 1 Corinthians 11:6, For if the woman be not covered, let her also be shorn according to Sex in Christ.

The rules for threesomes have to be seen to be believed, it even manages to get around the problem of adultery:

If a man imagines having intercourse with a married woman, then indeed, he has committed adultery in his heart. Instead, we would counsel this man to imagine that same married woman having sex with his wife; by taking himself out of the picture, he renders himself blameless.

A priceless piece of advice!

I’m not even going to touch the Oral Sex page, especially concerning the spit or swallow debate; and you can forget about me reviewing the Fisting page!

This site has to be a send-up, a pisstake, a joke, a parody. If it is, it’s quite clever and funny; if it’s not; the author needs help.

Got to go – Spicks and Specks, and The IT Crowd are about to start, see you all tomorrow.

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8 Comments

Filed under god, religion, sex

8 responses to “God and Free Love

  1. Doris Tracey

    I guess you know I commented in the other area sex in Christ.

  2. Wow – thanks for the link to that! The first couple of paragraphs make it seem like it is in fact a joke, but parts of it are actually sort of plausible (in a slightly twisted way) – people who are guilt-ridden or conflicted might be able to get something out of it. Hmmmmm…. The Reader Q&A is pretty entertaining, too!

  3. madmonq

    A few months ago I found out about Christian domestic discipline. They think “spare the rod, spoil the wife.”

    http://madmonq.wordpress.com/2008/02/06/whats-the-safe-word/

    Going to church feels a little like anal sex without lubrication. Of course someone will find a bible verse to justify that too.

  4. Boy, this takes the whole “Love your neighbor as you love yourself” to a whole new level.

  5. Oh great googly moogly….what in the world…inarticulate babbling is all I got here! People never cease to amaze me!

    NO Bible verses here, madmonq, just head shaking and my deepest sincerest apologies.

  6. So does that mean that when Jesus got NAILED up against the cross, he wasn’t actually crucified…?

    (may or may not be funny depending on what region and thus what slang is used around you)

  7. stuff god hates – god hates anal. Who’d have guessed?

    by the way God, very nice of you to drop around.

    yes Matt that is funny

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