Child Free Zone

Interesting debate over at PossumMomma’s place about atheists and children. The original commenter Trojan Man had some interesting questions (though not necessarily worded the best) and stated he never wants children. To which Possum gave some good answers. The comments (over 60 of them) were from both sides of the fence and quite hotly debated. My response was not one of my best pieces (I was tired, Australia was losing the cricket, and I’d had a few drinks) but pertinent (IMHO).

I particularly had a problem with Kilted Dad‘s first response, as did several others, and aligned it to what atheists sometime hear from theists.

Kilted Dad
I think he should give it some more time

Me
“give it more time” is almost as offensive as a religious person saying to an atheist “you really know god, you’re just denying him because your afraid”

I don’t want to disparage anyone, with or without children, but like atheism, we should all make a rational decision about it and not deride others for their choice.

For the child free out there, you may be interested in this web site, however, I’m not sure if the book is still in print.

Advertisements

6 Comments

Filed under atheism, atheist

6 responses to “Child Free Zone

  1. Thranil

    I agree with the idea that someone who has decided to be childless should not be chided or disparaged in any way. I think it’s a great idea that anyone who doesn’t want children shouldn’t have them… and in some cases even those who do want children shouldn’t have them, but I digress.

    However, I don’t agree that saying that one should “give it more time” is necessarily disparaging (unless there was something more pointed that Kilted Dad said). I know that when I was younger, I had no desire to ever have children. One day, that switched for me and I wanted to have children of my own. My only comment to the Trojan Man would be that anyone who is young who does not have children should probably not do anything irreversible (i.e. vasectomy) that they may regret later in life, but beyond that, who really cares if someone doesn’t want children now, later, or ever?

    Anyway, enough rambling…

  2. Thranil
    That is a good point that people, especially when they are young and single, should very seriously consider their options before doing anything irreversible.

    The point I was trying to make was that people in situations similar to mine, married for quite a few years and have made a conscious decision not to have children, see that someone telling them “give it more time” are in a way telling them that they don’t really know they don’t want children. So in a way they are telling that person they can’t, or are not allowed to, or don’t know how to, make up their own mind.

    Saying “give it more time” is almost like they are telling you, you have to have children.

    Does that make more sense?

    It can seem a bit ludicrous when you’ve been married for over 15 years, you’re in your forties, and someone still tries to convince you that you want children.

    Maybe I’m just thin skinned?

    Thranil, I was actually opposite to you, when I was younger I thought about having children, but later decided no to. Each to their own, I say.

  3. Cricket tragic

    Like Oz, I have been married for many years. Given that I am comfortably in my forties (less of the comfortable really), I find it amazing that people still think that children are a potential agenda item. What do they think I have been waiting for? Don’t they think that if I wanted to I would have done it by now? Wouldn’t it be cutting it a little fine to start thinking about it now?

    So, I am probably a little thin-skinned about it also. I am smart enough and educated enough to know what I want. I have never wanted children and this has never changed for me; that is how it works for some of us. Not everyone changes their mind with time and in fact I know many people in the same situation, so a plea for ‘more time’ is simply patronising.

  4. Thranil

    I think I can understand where you folks are coming from. I would never dream of saying to any childless couple “give it more time” unless some twenty-something was thinking of permanent sterilization… and then, I would only say something like “maybe you could give it more time?” 🙂

  5. That was a great discussion at PM’s blog. I never wanted kids and I had a hysterectomy at 35 now when someone patronizes me by saying the ever brilliant “you’ll change your mind” I can just say “too late.”

  6. Ha, ha, Poodles, I bet that stifles the debate very quickly.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s